46 Rules to Remember for Social Media Success

Well, I’m back.  Did you miss me?  I would like to say my month-long absence was due to something amazing, important, or catastrophic.  (Actually, forget the catastrophic.)  It wasn’t.  I have just been bogged down with every day life and I couldn’t make myself dedicate the time to writing blog posts when there was so much else to do.  The recipe posts take a lot of prep and there is no crafting or decorating going on in my life right now.  *sad face*

Seriously, who knew blogging was so much work and so very time-consuming?  I guess I should have after I read all of those statuses, tweets, and blog posts about how much work you have to put into blogging and how time-consuming it really is!!

Part of being successful in the online world is navigating the waters of the social media sea.  (And that body of water is vast!)  Even if you are not a blogger, you will eventually start to notice that there are rules and strategies to everything.  To some, these rules and strategies make sense.  To others, like me, they are just confusing.  Anyone who traverses the world of social media on a regular basis will start to notice how anything and everything we do or don’t do can be misconstrued, labeled, or used as a defense in any sort of argument.  Sometimes social media is blessing.  Sometimes it’s a burden.  Often times, it’s scary as heck!!

In honor of my social media confusion (and sometimes fear), I have come up with a basic set of rules that may help us all achieve social media success.

1. Don’t tell too much.
2. Don’t keep secrets.
3. State your opinion.
4. Your opinion doesn’t really count.
5. Agree with everyone.
6. Disagree with everyone.
7. Agree to disagree.
8. Your opinion doesn’t really count.
9. If you don’t leave comments or engage in some way, you are lazy or cold.
10. If you leave a comment or engage in some way, you must need attention.
11. If you leave more than one comment or engage on a regular basis, you are a creepy stalker.
12. Don’t talk about yourself.
13. Be transparent (i.e., talk about yourself).
14. If you brag on your spouse too much, people will assume you are in denial
15. If you complain about your spouse too much, people will assume you are bitter.
16. If you brag on your children, people will assume you lie a lot.
17. If you don’t brag on your children, people will assume you neglect them.
18. If you don’t treat your pets like people, you are labeled “heartless” and “cruel.”
19. If you overshare about treating your pets like people, you are labeled “kooky” or “nuts.”
20. If you say you are a Christian, you are automatically considered to be judgmental, racist, bigoted, or mean.
21. Your opinion doesn’t really count.
22. The victim is never in the wrong.
23. The victim is never really a victim.
24. The criminal is always the victim.
25. Everybody is a victim.
26. Only the really mean, horrible, spiteful, bitter, angry, and cruel people refuse to participate in every single chain “share,” charity challenge, and Go Fund Me cause out there.
27. You are not allowed to have an opinion unless it is like everyone else’s opinion.
28. Your opinion doesn’t really count.
29. You must be funny.
30. You must make serious statements.
31. Every post must have a picture.
32. Every picture must be poignant, inspiring, and/or stupid.
33. If you talk about politics, religion, or child rearing then you must be overbearing and opinionated.
34. If you refuse to talk about politics, religion, or child rearing, then you must be backward and uneducated.
35. Your opinion doesn’t really count.
36. If people insult your looks or your fashion-sense, they are trying to be helpful.
37. If you insult someone’s looks or fashion-sense, you are a big doody-head.
38. Bad behavior can be overlooked if you claim to be progressive or politically correct.
39. Not everyone believes in political correctness.
40. It’s not pc to admit you don’t agree with being pc.
41. It’s not good to be popular.
42. It’s not good to be unpopular.
43. What used to be bad is now good.
44. What used to be good is now bad.
45. Everything is bad unless it’s good…or bad. Then it might be good…or bad.
46. Your opinion doesn’t really count.

There you go.  If you can remember these rules and follow them, you will be a social media success in somebody’s eyes!  At the very least, no one should have any reason to complain about anything you say.  But they probably will anyway…

*Although I shouldn’t have to say it, this is tongue-in-cheek.  It really isn’t meant to catapult anyone into social media celebrity.  This is just my opinion on how things work.  (But it doesn’t really count!)