Hello my friends. Here I am again with an apology and explanation as to why I’ve been absent for so long. It seems to be a recurring theme with me. I can’t say that I’m very proud of it.
I said to myself the other day (because I do talk to myself sometimes), “You haven’t written anything for your blog in about three months.” Wrong. When I finally logged in, it had been since February. Wow. I’m way behind.
Here’s what’s been going on:
• I joined LimeLife in January and started actively working the business more in February. I didn’t realize I was going to be sinking so much of myself and my time into it. Even though I love it, I feel like I’m always a little behind. But my processes (thought and physical) are much slower these days, so I think that’s why.
• The Super Trooper was working overtime and anything extra he could get to gear up toward retirement and I was trying (pretty unsuccessfully, I might add) to pick up some of the slack. Just dealing with the retirement board about turned into a full-time job for him. It became a source of irritation for me!
• My sister got Sepsis and wound up in the hospital AND sold her house in the same week. We spent a few weeks trying to help her out. Since she was living four hours away and I didn’t have a laptop, I mostly just lived in that moment and concentrated on her while I was at her house.
• My oldest son has some sort of mystery illness (at the moment all they’ve got is that he’s completely skipping sleep cycles) and I went with him to a couple of specialist appointments.
• My daughter got very ill and they thought she might have colitis. Thankfully, it turned out to be a severe case of the stomach flu. I had it for a day. She had it for over two weeks and then had a set back almost two weeks after we thought she was over it.
• I have developed anxiety. It has mostly affected my sleep patterns. I sleep well for a week or two…don’t sleep for a week or two. It makes Beth a tired girl!
• My concentration and thought processes have not been the same since before my surgery. I’m just much slower now and some days keeping things straight in my head is a full-time job! Writing has taken a back burner.
• The Super Trooper finally did retire and was home with me for two months. I like that he’s safely away from Law Enforcement. I was super worried that he’d choose to go back to that, but so far, he is veering toward private sector work. He actually has a new job and I think it’s going to be a great opportunity. We did have to wait for the retirement board to give their “blessing.” Apparently, he’ll have to ask their permission for any job for the rest of his life if he wants to keep his state retirement. Absolutely chaps my behind. If you don’t know, that means it makes me mad!
• My computer died. Caput. Completely dead. And I hadn’t backed up my documents in months. So far we haven’t been able to recover them. The heads on the hard drive were bad or something. I don’t know. My husband said he has one last resort.
Honestly, I had a complete breakdown the likes I’ve not ever had over that stupid computer—even when I got my diagnosis. It was UGLY! I’m a little ashamed of myself, but all those tears were very therapeutic, and I didn’t hurt anybody or break anything. I just cried like a big old baby!!
I told my husband that when you are trying to be creative and you create something new it is sort of like your child and it felt like someone had ripped it away from me. It sounds silly, I know, but there it is and I felt destroyed. I had seven months’ worth of work on that desktop that I hadn’t backed up. Some of it was for LimeLife, but the parts that I was mourning were the almost-finished blog posts, the book ideas, the shirt slogans, the chapters I’d started, and the “idea” lists for my business and blog. Some of it has come back to me, but some of it I’m doubtful I’ll ever remember.
What’s worse is that I couldn’t even remember the password for my blog! It finally came to me one night and I’ve been trying to log in every day, so I won’t forget again! It still hurts me to think about it, but life goes on.
• And last, but certainly not least, I’ve been depressed. At least that’s my diagnosis. I don’t have that on the authority of a doctor, but it’s not the first time in my life that I’ve had some of these symptoms and all signs point to mild depression.
It’s not debilitating and fortunately, I have been able to recognize what these feelings are and pull myself out of the “funk” without outside help. I promised myself if I ever got to the point that I couldn’t self-talk myself back to normal, I would get help. I’m a big proponent of the positive feedback you can get from a good counselor, so that’s a definite possibility in the near future. I’m not much into the idea of medication unless it’s a last resort. For the most part, I don’t struggle to get through the day or anything and I’m not a fan of “fake” happy. I’d rather feel what I’m feeling and own it for a little while. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever take medication or that some people don’t rightfully need it, I’m just saying it’s not for me at this point in time.
Mostly I have recognized that when I am feeling down or when I’m just not feeling much at all, it is my body crying out for me to give it a break. It’s like it says, “you’ve been loving on everybody else, love me for a little while now.” It’s a struggle to take care of myself first and a counselor even told me once that I was going to have to learn to give myself a little grace. It’s much easier to take care of other people than it is ourselves sometimes, but from a woman who let herself go to the point of illness, I’m telling you it must be done!!
So in those moments when I am feeling a little “less than,” I allow myself to cry or to take naps or to veg out in front of the television so that I don’t have to think about anything. Listening to music and reading also help and if I want to eat snacks, then I eat snacks! When I am feeling down like this, I don’t write and I don’t work and I don’t do anything that requires extreme concentration. Talking to people is great as long as I feel like talking, but I allow myself to ignore the phone if I just can’t handle other people at that moment. I also allow myself to feel whatever it is I need to feel and then I dust myself off and remember that bad moments aren’t bad days and bad days aren’t a bad life.
There you have it. That’s been my life in a nutshell for the last several months. That’s just skimming the surface stuff though—there’s been so much more. Unfortunately, my blog has suffered for it and I never meant for that to happen. I seriously considered letting it go, but I have poured so much into it, I’m not ever sure I could!! I have new plans and ideas though and I’m going to work hard to see those to fruition.
Here are a few of the things coming up:
• I’m really leaning toward adding some sort of self-care section. It has become so important to me and I really want to encourage others (especially women) to take the time to care for themselves as much as they do everyone else.
• I have new recipes to share. My issue is with preparing them and getting photographs at the same time. My photography game is super weak. I definitely need to work on that.
• Holidays are coming up. Naturally I will have some decorating posts, but I’m also working on some new printables. I’d like to do some crafts or handmade decorations as well, but that is a “time-permitting” thing.
I know that many people don’t realize how much work goes into a blog or how time consuming it can be. There are so many ideas and so many directions I would like to go with That One Mom, but I also still have a family and a home and other jobs that I do. I am also working through a blogging course, an affiliate marketing course, a video marketing course, and a freelance writing course at the moment. Never let it be said that I don’t make an effort to learn!! This week I started writing again as well and I intend to make that a priority.
In the meantime, if you ever have questions or suggestions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I love to hear from my friends!
Thank you all for your loyalty, for continuing to come back and read, and for your understanding even when I might not deserve it!!
Much love,
Beth
